There are so many people out there, in the world, who go about their lives in a haze...a fume...going about what they must do without much thought. Dealing with all the media overstim becomes so tiring... (and for the empaths and introverts out there, dealing with the people, too!)
Such levels of fatigue often leads to taking all the shortcuts possible, mentally speaking....by not thinking for yourself / allowing others to make decisions for you / allowing others to determine your opinion for you... by relinquishing your right to think for yourself.
(So tired.)
And in the midst of all that, you eventually discover that Society has dictated what kind of person you are / should be. When that happens, it is possible to function, but only if you squelch any sort of divergent or independant thought.
Take the case of the person who has gone along with what society has told them to be, who then reaches such a level of mental "bleh" that they begin to realize that they are not getting what they, as an individual, needs, mentally/emotionally/spiritually/etc.
There are spectacular stories of people who have a "break" from reality.
There are tragic stories of people who fail at breaking themselves out of their rut (often by breaking themselves.)
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What is a person to do, when that level of weary becomes part of their life?
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That is the first of the questions that I'm hoping to explore with this blog.
I am a verbose, non-linear thinking individual, born male and has lived his life as a cis-male. I am educated. I am creative. I am a leader. I am a team player. I am a father. I am a husband. I am a son. I am a brother. I am a teacher. I am a musician. I am an actor. ....
There are many "I am..." statements in my life.
The problem here is that I know, for certain, that there are aspects of me that have not been explored that are now asserting themselves.
This bothers me immensely.
I used to think that I was aware of, and in control of, my mind and how it functioned. Then, I started encountering the limitations that are clear to me now. This broke me out of my delusion and introduced a whole new level of doubt about myself. (*I am certain that I will explore those limitations in subsequent posts.)
So, now I need to think. I need to sort out.
If I am to play my role in my family and my life to the best of my ability, I must find out what my Truths are.
(Ok, a small icicle of dread shot through my chest as I typed that last line.)
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My biggest questions are revolving around my gender identity, currently. So much of my energy is being spent trying to figure out why I am doing what I am doing...I really need to get to the answers that apply to me. Me, and all the myriad vocabulary words that bubble to the surface of my brain every time I start this kind of introspective process.
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If you are reading this, then you are saying you want to follow me on my quest of self-discovery. If so, then I welcome your company. Maybe my inquiries can help others with their quests.
J.
